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Anyone can become enraged once in a while. But if you feel rage boiling within almost constantly, or rage erupts from you frequently, you may have an organic illness.
On the other hand, you might have suffered some terrible injustice as a child.
One major, but largely ignored, category of such abuse is that of boys emotionally, physically, or sexually damaged by women.
This abuse is not only widespread but may be at the root of much subsequent abuse of women by men.
A little boy abused by a woman suffers in similar ways to a little girl abused by a man.
In recent times it has become acceptable for women to speak out about the abuse they suffered as children; most men feel no such permission is given to them about the abuse they suffered as little boys at the hands of women. These men are ashamed, and enraged.
They are enraged because society accepts that men can be angry but there is less acceptance for the male victims' feelings of hurt, fear, inadequacy, guilt, embarrassment, and especially weakness and vulnerability.
A male victim smothers these emotions with anger. In this way, he preserves his masculine image. But the cost is enormous.
A man unaware of the deep sources of his anger will, at the least, have troubled relationships with women; at the worst, he may rape and mutilate.
A male victim of childhood sexual abuse by women displays the following behavior as an adult:
>> Distrust of women.
>> Fear of intimacy.
>> No separate identity.
>> Readily feels guilt.
>> Hard time to accept compliments.
>> Holds back emotions.
>> Protects abuser(s).
>> Sexual difficulties.
>> Seeks abuser's approval.
>> Constantly apologises.
>> Fearful.
>> Eager to care for others.
>> Joyless. (Adapted from Blanchard, 1987*)
The lousy feelings often erupt as rage. Ronald sought professional help to change his vicious behavior toward his wife, Helen.
Ronald would arrive home disgruntled after a disappointing day (every day was disappointing) in the architectural office where he worked, and an hour's drive to the suburb.
Before long, he would be kicking Helen. There was always some pretext for the kicks. (Helen did not have supper ready, or she was on the phone, or she wore a dress he hated...). Ronald never used his fists. Always his legs. He despaired of his uncontrollable rage because he believed that “Helen was the best thing that had ever happened to me.”
As Ronald talked more about his life, his hostility to almost everyone became evident. He was jealous of his brothers, sneered at their choices of wives, hated his job where he felt put upon, especially by female colleagues.
When Ronald spoke about his mother, he whined. Long stories of how she favored one or other of his brothers, how he cringed in her presence, how he avoided visits to her house yet was jealous of her contacts with his siblings. Ronald was convinced his mother preferred one of his nephews, adding bitterly, “Though my son was the first grandchild.”
Hypnotherapy Heals the Hurt and the Rage
Within the comfort of hypnosis Ronald was able to connect his present-day woes with unpleasant incidents in his childhood.
This was accomplished with what hypnotherapists call an “affect link.” You allow yourself to feel a particular emotion, such as grief. As you continue to experience the feeling, the hypnotherapist asks you to recall an earlier time when you felt the same way. Ronald's confused mix of bitterness, rage and sense of abandonment, swiftly drew up a memory of his mother:
“I'm six years old. Mummy keeps telling me I'm her favorite. She tells me to come into her bed. It's warm there. I fall asleep, snuggled beside her. I wake up. She's moving my leg up and down over this hairy place between her legs. She's breathing funny. I'm scared. [Sobs]. She opens her eyes a little and tells me it's okay. My knee is wet. I try to pull away but she holds onto me, tells me to be a good boy, do this for Mummy. She seems out of breath. I'm scared. Then she shakes and cries out. I'm even more scared and I feel bad, like something's really wrong. I ask Mummy if she's all right. She turns to me with a big smile, hugs me and says I'm her little man and everything is fine. [More sobs, reddening of face].
“But everything is not fine. I don't understand. Mummy tells me this will be our special secret. She seems happy. And she likes me best. So I keep quiet. And whenever she asks me I let her use my leg to rub her where she wants. [Later Ronald described other sexual activity his mother initiated]. I begin to like it, too. When I get old enough to have an erection, Mummy plays with my penis. I really like that. But at the same time it feels kind of weird. This stuff went on till I was eleven. I found out at school what sex was supposed to be, and how bad it was what Mummy and me had been doing. I felt sick.”
With psychotherapy while he relaxed in hypnosis, Ronald made some progress toward a healthier life, and control of his rage.
Unfortunately, his wife sabotaged the treatment. Ronald, like many sexually abused victims, had (unconsciously) sought out a woman who would continue the abuse he had suffered as a child.
Helen had made no secret of her broad sexual experience prior to meeting Ronald; indeed, she was proud of it. But her knowledge of the carnal world and his relative innocence (sex with only one woman: his mother) repeated the power pattern Ronald had suffered as a boy.
When Helen saw that Ronald was learning to control his rage, to lessen his hostile attitude and to relax, she counterattacked. Helen had married Ronald because (unconsciously) she wanted a man she could dominate and despise. His therapy threatened to upset the delicate dance of danger they had created.
Ronald was swiftly reduced to a sniveling, angry puppet when Helen sneered at his progress and repeatedly reminded him of what a Mummy's boy he had been.
A final blow bounced Ronald out of therapy: Helen telephoned the therapist, discussed Ronald's history, and insisted the therapist not mention her call to Ronald. The following week Helen casually mentioned to Ronald something the therapist had said to her. Ronald felt betrayed [he was] and never returned to therapy.
You may be doing very well with hypnotherapy when a friend or relative sabotages your progress. This is not usually as dramatic or underhanded as Helen's behavior. The disruption comes in the form of doubt. Your friend may question the effectiveness of hypnosis, and cite the many hypnosis myths that still pollute our minds.
Once doubt is planted, hypnosis ends. Doubt and fear keep us from relaxation. And relaxation is the route into hypnotherapy.
Dennis, like Ronald, suffered fits of rage. Unlike Ronald, Dennis took these fits out on himself. He would tremble, and shake, and sweat and fear he was about to pass out. Dennis knew his ambition to become a police officer would never be realized unless he got over these fits. Like Ronald, he had troubled relationships with women.
Unlike Ronald, Dennis had slept with dozens of women. All his longer-term relationships collapsed over an aspect of jealousy, his or hers. Didn't matter. Dennis could not trust a woman.
Dennis deliberately sought out a male psychotherapist who sometimes used hypnosis. But so scared was Dennis of going into hypnosis, that he spent several sessions in traditional psychotherapy before he had plucked up enough courage to try hypnosis.
Mothers Are Not The Only Women Who Abuse Little Boys
As far as Dennis knew, he had not been molested by his mother. Actually, he was not even sure who his biological mother was. He had been born into a large, extended criminal family. He had lived in seven different homes by the time he was five. All but one were homes of his aunts, cousins or siblings. He got used to calling each aunt in turn “mother.” The woman listed on his birth certificate showed no more, and no less, maternal interest in Dennis than did any of her sisters who raised him.
From as far back as he could remember, Dennis had been abused: abandoned, ignored, ill-fed, beaten, locked in a closet.
The therapist helped Dennis sort out the multitude of feelings that swirled within him.
Finally, Dennis said he was ready to try hypnosis. He was still frightened, despite the therapist's explanations about the safety of the process. But it was not hypnosis itself that Dennis feared; it was what might be uncovered.
In one way, he was right to be wary. But what was uncovered, awful as it was, freed Dennis from the last symbolic chains that linked him to his abusive family and their criminal ways.
In hypnosis, Dennis traced his attacks of trembling to some disgusting sexual behavior of one of his aunts when he was about four. What she had done to him and with him amounted to torture. It had been so horrible he had repressed the details for years, though “I knew something had happened; I just didn't know what.”
Now that he knew what lay at the root of his rage and his attacks, Dennis was able to let go of them. He felt forgiveness for his aunt because he knew of her own dreadful background. It was as if to know what she had done liberated Dennis from any lingering loyalty to his criminal relatives (all of whom were involved in drug deals, prostitution, extortion, etc.).
Now Dennis felt fully comfortable with his decision to apply to the local police training college.
*Blanchard, Geral. (1987). Male Victims of Child Sexual Abuse: A Portent of Things to Come, Journal of Independent Social Work, 1-1, 19-27.
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This article is to bring a little hint about Cambodian Law on Marriage and Family into the world’s attention. Throughout the text, from general information up to the analytical approached over the law herein will be covered.
This Law was adopted during the mandate of the State of Cambodia.
I. Marriage Procedure
Unless arisen from mutual agreement to enter into conjugal life, marriage cannot be proceeding. With reference to Chapter III, Article 3; “A marriage is a solemn contract between a man and a woman in a spirit of love in accordance with the provisions of law and with the understanding that they cannot dissolve it as they please.” This article has indirect imply that marriage is a voluntary decision and not decision made on the basis on any form of external pressure (Article 4 “One party may not force another party to marriage against his/her will. No one can be forced to marry or prevented from having marriage ...)
In compliance to general principle of social-order mechanism, the Cambodian Law on Marriage and Family also requires other elements legal just to make any marriage a legal one. In Article 5 of Chapter II states, “A marriage may be allowed for a man whose age is 20 years or more and a woman whose age is 18 years or more.” Except, in the special case that the woman is pregnant with mutual consents from both party, a man and a woman younger than the legal ages may legally enter into a marriage.
However, marriage is prohibited under these conditions:
- a person whose sex is the same sex as the other;
- a person whose penis is impotent;
- a person who has leprous, tuberculosis, cancer or venereal diseases which are not completely cured;
- a person who is insane, and a person who has mental defect;
- a person who was bound by prior marriage which is not yet dissolved.
Moreover, marriage is prohibited when the following conditions come to existence:
A marriage “between persons who are relatives by blood or who are relatives by marriage in direct line of all levels, whether or not legitimate or adoptive” (Article 7); and “Between the collateral, whether legitimate, illegitimate or adoptive, or whether from the same mother, the same father or the same parents, or whether relatives by blood or relatives by marriage up to the third level inclusively...” (Article 8).
II. Grounds of Divorce:
In reflection to Article 3, “A marriage is a solemn contract between a man and a woman in a spirit of love in accordance with the provisions of law and with the understanding that they cannot dissolve it as they please.” The term: they cannot dissolve it as they please shows an indirect implication that divorce can only be made under concrete and legal conditions stipulated within the law.
Like the legal procedure for marriage, divorce may also be made on the ground of mutual divorcing consent.
Pursuant to Article 38: “divorce is the legal termination of a marriage between a husband and wife who have been legitimately married and they are both still alive.” Divorce cannot be entered when any party is deceased, that’s why we have the term divorced and widowed.
Article 39 clearly tabulates the grounds for divorce as of the following:
1. desertion without a good reason and without maintenance of and taking care of the child;
2. cruelty and beatings, persecutions and looking down on the other spouse or his or her ancestry;
3. immoral behavior, bad conduct;
4. impotence of penis; and
5. Physical separation for more than one year.
III. Procedures for Divorce:
Procedures for divorce may be, to some extent, overwhelmingly sophisticated, since it has been of the opinion that divorce does not only bring negative aspects to the parties, but also to the society. The following paragraphs will deal with necessary reason for divorce, jurisdictional court, application procedures and other conditions applied in the divorcing procedures.
Complaint for divorce can be made by one party (husband or wife) or by both parties who mutually agreed to end their bonds of conjugal life (Article 40).
Any party or both party who whish to break legal bonds of conjugal life shall make the divorce complaint a formal one. Complaint to the court, as addressed above, is sophisticated and formal, so writing rather than oral is strongly suggested; moreover, the plaintiff is also suggested to lodge the complaint by her or himself. With reference to Article 42; “The complaint for divorce shall be in writing and shall indicate the reasons for divorce.” It is also suggested that reasons for divorce shall be contented in the divorce complaint; this is to make a smooth hearing schedule and procedures.
However, to whom should the divorce complaint be forwarded to? Article 41 stipulates that “the adjudicating jurisdiction for divorce lies with the People’s Provincial or Municipal Court where a defendant resides.”
Procedures before the hearing As addressed above, divorce does not only affect the divorcing parties, but the child(ren) as well as the State. So, indeed, the Law enacts different strategies for the court to reconcile the divorcing parties.
According to the Cambodian Law on Marriage and Family, the court is authorized to take “reconciliation” for three times, before the final judgment specifying the divorce judgment between the parties is issued. Moreover, during each reconciliation session, report must be radically written down in what we call “reconciliation record.” And apparently, reconciliation strategies deployed to all the three reconciliation sessions are not the same. Article 51 states that “the period between each reconciliation shall be at least one month and at most two months.” And Article 53; “if the reconciliation did not reach an agreement, the People’s Provincial or Municipal court must issue summons inviting a husband and wife to come to the court for trial.”
Due to the fact that marriage cannot be dissolved as the party please, concrete and sufficient evidence must be presented during the hearing to convince the judge to issue the divorce judgment and if necessary, the court may investigate the case.
However, divorce is easy if it is arisen from voluntary and mutual consent of both parties [absence of mistakes or external duress].
Divorce judgment is not one-stop (absolute), the party who does not agree to get divorced his/her spouse is authorized an file an objection or appeal within the legal time frame [usually two moths from the date the judgment is publicly announced].
IV. Effectiveness of Divorce The Law on Marriage and Family does not provide any definition for the term “divorce”, but through my understanding, divorce is a legal rescission of a legal marriage, after the divorce judgment is issued.
Article 69 states that, “a divorce ends a marriage from the day when the final judgment is announced. So as written above, only after the issuance of court’s judgment, does the divorce is considered legal and so enforceable.
However, the case does not only end when the judgment is issued; other cases are also accompanied, such as child or children and properties (movable or real estate). Divorcing parties may share the child or children as well as the property in accordance with their mutual contract or in case of there is no contract, they can just take the property that they own before they share conjugal life. Article 70 states that “if there is no agreement, each spouse take only his or her property which he or she has received by inheritance, gift or devise during the existence of the marriage. The property owned before union existence is called “separate property” and property earned after the marriage is called “joint property”, or “community property.” And this community property may be shared by mutual consent of the parties or court’s judgment.
Custody of the child or children, would facilitate one party to have more property than another party who does not attain the legal custody of the child or children. The party to whom the child or children custodies are not fallen upon, is obliged to provide alimony, as per his or her ability or mutual consent until the said child or children reach majority age (Article 76).
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Hey Viagra users! Do you know how your magic pill works on you? Hmmm…forgotten right! Or are you ignorant about its mechanism? Whatever, am sure about one thing you were startled after reading the title of this write-up!
To understand Viagra mechanism we need to first understand how one gets a penis erection. Penile erection process is initiated with sexual excitement. The stimulation generates electrical impulses in the brain and sends it to the nerves going to the penile section. The nerve then releases nitric oxide to increase the production of cyclic GMP in muscle cells of corpus cavernosum simultaneously. Nitric oxide smoothes the muscles and increases the size of the blood vessels allowing high-speed blood flow to the penis. As a result the penis is engorged with blood making it firm and strong for penetrative sex. So what we understand from this is that the level of NO (Nitric oxide) is mainly responsible for giving a strong penile erection. Viagra does not have any direct relaxant effect on the penile section but it enhances the effect of nitric oxide by inhibiting phosphodiesterase type 5 (PDE5). When sexual stimulation leads to the release of Nitric oxide, the inhibition of PDE5 by Viagra causes increased levels of cyclic guanosine monophosphate which gives muscle relaxation and blood inflow to the corpus cavernosum which ultimately helps in getting the required erections of the penis.
Now, I am sure you will be able to relate the Nobel Prize winner Dr. Furchgott with Viagra and its functioning. Nitric oxide was initially known as Endothelial Derived Relaxing Factor (EDRF), ERDF was released, when patients took the nitrate-type blood pressure medicines popular in the 1970s and 1980s, and in turn it caused relaxation of the smooth muscles around the blood vessels and the arteries became larger, allowing better blood flow and a lower blood pressure. In 1986, Dr. Furchgott identified the EDRF as nitric oxide.
This is where the Viagra makers got the idea of a magic pill for sex which revolutionized the whole idea of impotence. They noticed from the research that the nitrate drugs had certain side-effects on the blood vessels and the arteries; relaxing the smooth muscles around the blood vessels thereby increasing the blood flows in the human body. They related it to the erectile anatomy and discovered Sildenafil citrate, a chemical that inhibited PDE5 inhibitors which is responsible for the level of NO (nitric oxide) in the penile section. Sildenafil Citrate, under the brand name of Viagra, became the pioneer pill for the treatment of erectile dysfunction and received FDA approval on March 27, 1998, the rest is history!
After all a better blood flow is the key factor behind a strong erection. So the master mind behind Viagra, in a way, remains Dr. Furchgott, the inventor of nitric oxide. Without the knowledge of the existence of nitric oxide, no one could think of inhibiting phosphodiesterase type 5 to maintain the level of NO to get penis erection.
Let’s toast for the good health of Dr. Furchgott and congratulate him on winning the Nobel Prize. Without his discoveries Viagra would not have been possible and millions of men with erectile dysfunction would have continued to live hopelessly and helplessly as ‘ashamed impotents’. Thanks Dr. Furchgott for everything you have given us through your discovery!
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A dietary supplement is any product that is intended to supplement the diet and that contains at least one of these ingredients: vitamins, minerals, herbs or other botanicals, amino acids, and substances such as enzymes, organ tissues, glandulars, metabolites, or a combination of these ingredients. If you choose to take a dietary supplement, read the supplement label carefully. The label will show how much of a specific vitamin, mineral, botanical, or other is in each dietary supplement. The Food and Drug Administration (FDA) and its Center for Food Safety and Applied Nutrition developed regulations for manufacturers in order to help consumers make informed choices when choosing dietary supplements. Manufacturers are responsible for ensuring that their supplements’ facts label and ingredient list are accurate, that the dietary ingredients are safe, and that the content matches the amount declared on the label.
Here is the information that must be on a dietary supplement label: A descriptive name of the product stating that it is a supplement. The name and address of the manufacturer, packer, or distributor. A list of each ingredient contained in the product, listed in the order of predominance by common name or proprietary blend. Ingredients not listed on the facts panel must appear in the other ingredient statement beneath the panel. The net contents of the product. The manufacturer’s suggested serving size. There are no rules that limit a serving size or the amount of a nutrient in any form of dietary supplements. Information on nutrients when they are present in significant levels, such as vitamins A and C, calcium, iron, and sodium, and the percentage Daily Value (% DV) where a reference has been established—this is similar to the nutrients listed in the Nutrition Facts panel on food labels. The Daily Value is essentially the same as the DRI (RDA or AI). All other dietary ingredients present in the product, including botanicals and amino acids—those for which no Daily Value has been established.
Multiple and Single Nutrient Supplementation
When you choose a general multivitamin and multi-mineral supplement, consider those that offer the full nutrient spectrum, the full range of B-complex vitamins, and antioxidants like beta-carotene and vitamins C and E. A good rule of thumb is to look for daily value percentage ranges from 50 to 150 percent. If a multivitamin has some but not enough of the other vitamins, you can take additional doses of those particular single supplements. Typically, a multivitamin cannot hold enough calcium. In addition to this basic multivitamin and mineral supplement, you may want to take single supplements to boost your health for specific conditions. To be sure that you will not be taking excessive amounts over what is already in the basic supplement, subtract the amount in the basic supplement from the larger amount listed for that single supplement. The difference is the amount of the single supplement you need to add. For example, if your basic supplement provides 200 milligrams (mg) of calcium, you would only take 800 mg of single supplement calcium to receive 1,000 mg of calcium daily.
Botanicals Common in High-Potency Supplements
Common herbal supplements are sometimes found in the formulation of high-potency or a health-benefit specific multivitamin and mineral supplement. Some herbs are used as specifics and are taken for brief periods or only when symptoms are present. Some herbs are used as tonics and are taken long term, sometimes with short breaks in between. For more information on using herbs and their health benefits, read about them from a reliable source and then discuss them with your health practitioner. Become informed!
Here are a few common herbs and their unique properties that you may find in your supplements:
Ginkgo Biloba (Ginkgo Biloba) is an antioxidant and improves circulation and memory. It may interact with monoamine oxidase (MAO) inhibitors and blood-thinners and may cause gastrointestinal upset and headaches. Ginseng (Panax ginseng, P. quinquefolius) helps increase energy, and is used as a tonic for fatigue and athletic performance. It may worsen the side effects of stimulants, such as caffeine. Some people experience over-stimulation or stomach upset when taking this herb. Avoid this herb if you have high blood pressure, heart palpitations, insomnia, asthma, or a high fever. Siberian Ginseng or Eleuthero (Eleuthero senticosus) helps increase energy and is used as a tonic for fatigue and stress. Its use may increase the effectiveness and side effects of some antibiotics. Saw Palmetto (Sernoa repens) is effective in the treatment of prostate enlargement or benign prostatic hyperplasia (BPH). Some people experience stomach upset when taking this herb. Echinacea (Echinacea augustifolia, E. pallida, E. Purpurea) is known for its ability to stimulate the body’s defenses against minor vial and bacterial infections such as colds and the flu. Persons allergic to the pollen of other members of the aster family, such as ragweed, may also be allergic to echinacea. Its use may counteract immune-suppressive drugs. Green Tea Extract (Camellia Sinensis plant extract) has antioxidant properties, particularly the phytochemical epigallocatechin gallate (EGCG) and is used as a tonic. Milk Thistle (Silybum marianum) is considered a liver protector and healer and is used as a liver tonic. Black Cohosh (Cimicifuga racemosa) has been shown to be effective for premenstrual and menopausal symptoms, such as hot flashes. It may cause stomach upset. Pregnant and nursing women should avoid using this herb.
Copyright 2006. Mary El-Baz. All rights reserved.
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So, does penis size matter for women?
Yes, penis size does matter, but not in the way that you may think.
After asking several hundred women over 18 years old, sizes, ethnicities, and sexual habits, 82% of these women answered that were happy with a penis that was big enough to satisfy them, which averaged at about 6 inches, that is just about the average penis size for men. Of course, there was a small percentage (9%) who wanted a penis that was larger than average (7 to 8 inches). Fewer women (2%) said that they preferred huge-sized penises (larger than 10 to 12 inches).
Penises much larger than average can cause some difficulties during sex. In fact, many women who dated men with abnormally larger penises complained that they weren't able to comfortably enjoy certain sexual positions, nor were they able to adequately give oral sex.
But... when asked whether length or girth was more important, most women opted for girth, as they claimed to enjoy the feeling of a thick penis against their vaginal walls rather than having an unusually long penis poking against their insides. The length has to be proportional to the width. And what would that be? I suppose that would be the average.
Other important things:
56% expect a penis to more or less match the complexion of the rest of a man's body.
23% expect a penis to feel very smooth.
21% weren't very happy about an abundance of veins.
So, if you're below average, you have two options:
- there are other ways in which to satisfy your woman, so explore your options;
- you can also try some methods to enlarge your penis...
