herbal penis elargement

Yes, by all means, but it is technically called hypogonadism (low testosterone levels). Symptoms may vary, but most men will experience decreased libido (sexual desire) as well as erectile dysfunction, hot sweats, decrease in body hair, fatigue, or even depression. They also tend to lose muscle mass and gain weight due to increased subcutaneous fat. Erectile dysfunction is a common complaint of male patients past the age of 50, and although it is most commonly caused by such problems as vascular insufficiency (decreased blood flow) to the penis which usually responds well to such medications as Viagra, Cialis, or Levitra, your physician should check for hypogonadism as a possible cause and also screen for cardiovascular disease as well as diabetes. Certain prescription medications can also lead to problems with both libido and sexual dysfunction; most notably certain anti-depressants and hypertensive medications. Serum testosterone levels are at their highest between the ages of 20 to 30 and tend to progressively fall after age 40. If your testosterone levels come back low, your physician may wish to order a couple of other tests to determine the actual cause. There are other causes of low testosterone other than merely aging. If your testosterone level IS low and you are going to receive treatment, make sure that you are screened for prostate cancer. Your doctor should perform a digital rectal exam, order a PSA (prostate specific antigen) blood test, and your testicles should be examined for size, nodules and other abnormalities. Topical testosterone gel is usually the preferred method of administering the hormone. Topical 1% testosterone is available as Androgel or Testim. The starting dosage is 5 gm a day and applied to dry skin of the abdomen, upper arm or shoulders. The gel should not be placed on the genitals! The area of skin should be allowed to dry and a shirt be worn during contact with children or women as it IS possible to transfer the medicine to the skin of another individual. The serum testosterone level should be determined again about two weeks after initiating treatment. The administration of testosterone replacements have NOT been demonstrated to increase the incidence of prostate cancer, myocardial infarction, cardiovascular disease, or stroke. It can, however, elevate the PSA (prostate specific antigen) level. Treament has come a long way over the past few years with the advent of the topical applications. Testosterone used to be given by intramuscular injection which was both painful and had to be given rather frequently because the levels of the medication would not last long in the blood stream. The topical applications tend to maintain an even level of medication at all times without the peaks and valleys caused by the old injections. Testosterone replacement should improve libido, muscle mass, and well being. It can aggravate sleep apnea, cause mild acne, and gynecomastia (slight enlargement of the breasts), but NOT in everyone. It can enable a male to feel much more vibrant, improve his sexual desire, ability, and performance, and make life a lot more enjoyable overall. Copyright 2006 Ted Crawford vig rx scam penis enlargment patch penis enlargment stretcher natural pnis enlargement pills hgh magna rx do pennis enlargement pills work safe penis enlarement free penis enlagement video

herbal penis elargement

The holidays are touted to be the time of year to be joyful and most of all have fun and spend time with family and/or friends. For some, however, the holidays when families and/or friends gather to celebrate and share the joy of the season are not joyful. Because family matters are conducted behind closed doors this 'unhappy event' goes unnoticed and the victim of this cruel experience takes its toll. I speak of the unspeakable—sexual child abuse. Countless children are abused at family gatherings. While everyone is talking, laughing and having a good time, beloved Uncle Lewey, Grandpa or family friend, walks out of the living room (ostensibly to go to the bathroom) but instead goes into his niece's/granddaughter's or family friend’s room, where she is 'hanging out.' He nonchalantly chats with her and before she realizes what he is about to do, he has planted a kiss on her lips and forced his tongue into her mouth and/or fondles her breast. He then tells her she is so sexy he couldn’t stop himself, she is very special and it is their secret or he threatens her that if she tells he will say she is a 'liar' or worse yet, she 'came onto' him. Thus, she is forced into silence and shame. While I realize this scenario is difficult to fathom, it is all too real and all too frequent. However, this scenario doesn't need to end tragically, something can be done to prevent or mitigate it. No one is born a molester, yet all too often victims become perpetrators. Sexual child abuse has become a family tradition-Uncle Lewey was abused by his father, mother, uncle, cousin or aunt and now he has abused his niece. Or grandpa was abused by someone and he now has abused his granddaughter. How, you may ask, can this be possible when so many people are around-no one would risk being seen sexually abusing a child? Unfortunately, this rationalization merely avoids accepting the truth about sexual abuse perpetrators. It only takes a second to abuse a child. Furthermore, few people recognize what constitutes sexual child abuse. Sexual touch—a sensuous or ‘wet’ kiss on the lips, touching or fondling erogenous areas cause as much trauma as genital contact. All sexual abuse and/or sexual touch is damaging because it is first and foremost a betrayal of trust. PREVENTION is possible. However, for a child to be able to prevent this experience, she or he needs to have knowledge of and permission to exercise self-protection. Without knowledge of and permission to exercise self-protection, the only defense a child has against any kind of abuse is to accept the blame. A child cannot conceive the idea, "My father, uncle, mother, grandpa, grandma, aunt, brother, sister, cousin, friend, teacher, or baby-sitter is sick and is harming me." Therefore, the only way to survive sexual abuse or incest is to assume that it is his or her fault. A child has unquestioning trust for everyone in the family or persons of acquaintance or authority. Parents generally teach girls to be passive, compliant, non-assertive, co-operative and reward them for doing so. Girls are raised to be 'quiet, sweet and pretty' they are never to make a 'scene.' It is not surprising then, that girls are (according to statistics) twice as likely to be sexually abused. Perpetrators know who and how to target their victims. Boys are taught, expected and praised to be tough and self-assured, even at times when something troubles them. Whenever a person is traumatized, he or she resorts to familiar behavior; for girls this behavior usually means passivity while boys usually 'tough it out'-thinking if they are strong and unemotional, no harm can occur. Self-protection offers a direct and effective way to empower children to help themselves. Since perpetrators cunningly and with forethought sets the stage to perpetrate this crime in secrecy, who is better able than the child to protect him or herself? Perpetrators say they can sense a child to victimize; they sense this by the child's demeanor, body language and facial expressions. They sense the fear, the helplessness, their compliant attitude and their passivity. Perpetrators choose victims who they assume will keep their secret. No child needs to fall prey to these cunning predators. The first response the majority of people form when hearing of sexual abuse or incest is denial. 'I do not have to be concerned about that in my community. This would never happen in my family.' The unbelievable reality is that a person who sexually abuses children may seem very average and ordinary to the world. He or she may be a leader in the church, in the community or in business. He or she does not fit a classic stereotype and is not necessarily uneducated, unemployed, impoverished or an alcoholic. Furthermore, we find sexual abuse and incest even more difficult to believe or accept when the person we like, admire, love, and/or marry is the perpetrator of the abuse. Tragically, the unwillingness to accept the facts concerning sexual abuse perpetrators leaves children vulnerable to becoming victims and increases the likelihood that they will be abused. 'Traditionally, incest was defined as: sexual intercourse between two persons too closely related to marry legally--sex between siblings, first cousins, the seduction by fathers of their daughters. This dysfunctional blood relationship, however, does not completely describe what children are experiencing. To fully understand all sexual abuse, we need to look beyond the blood bond and include the emotional bond between the victim and his or her perpetrator. Thus, a new definition has emerged. The new definition now relies less on the blood bond between the victim and the perpetrator and more on the experience of the child. Incest is both sexual abuse and an abuse of power. It is violence that does not require force. Another is using the victim, treating them in a way that they do not want or in a way that is not appropriate by a person with whom a different relationship is required. It is abuse because it does not take into consideration the needs or wishes of the child; rather, it meets the needs of the other person at the child's expense. If the experience has sexual meaning for another person, in lieu of a nurturing purpose for the benefit of the child, it is abuse. If it is unwanted or inappropriate for her age or the relationship, it is abuse. Incest [sexual abuse] can occur through words, sounds, or even exposure of the child to sights or acts that are sexual but do not involve her. If she is forced to see what she does not want to see, for instance, by an exhibitionist, it is abuse. If a child is forced into an experience that is sexual in content or overtone that is abuse. As long as the child is induced into sexual activity with someone who is in a position of greater power, whether that power is derived through the perpetrator's age, size, status, or relationship, the act is abusive. A child who cannot refuse, or who believes she or he cannot refuse, is a child who has been violated. (E. Sue Blume, Secret Survivors)." Sexual abuse can be as subtle (covert) as any person showing pornographic pictures or movies to a child. It is any man hugging a child while pressing his hard penis against her. It is anyone consistently invading a child's privacy, such as entering the bathroom or bedroom without knocking, catching her unaware and indisposed. It is playfully pulling her swimsuit bottom down in the pool or pulling her panties down without her permission. Sexual abuse is anyone bathing the child when the child is old enough to bathe herself. It is any person who touches or caresses the child in ways she does not like or in ways that are sexual. It is any man holding a child on his lap when he has an erection. It is any trusted adult who stares at or makes comments about the child's body. It is anyone kissing the child in a way that is sexual for the giver. It is seemingly innocuous touching, wrestling, tickling, or playing which has sexual overtones or meaning for the other person. Sexual abuse is as blatant (overt) as instructing or asking the child to lie in bed in an intimate position, fondling, digital, penis or object penetration of the rectum or vagina, or instructing a child to perform oral sex or performing oral sex on the child. It is forcing the child to touch others or be touched by others, including other children. A classic example of covert sexual abuse while people are present is exemplified by a 39 year-old woman who came to me after having a severe panic attack. During our investigation as to what was the root cause of the panic attack she revealed she had been sexually abused when she was nine by a 'nice man,' who was a family friend. "He helped me on with my coat while attending a family gathering. As he adjusted my coat onto my shoulder, he fondled my breast." This type fondling is often times referred to as 'coping a feel.' No matter the label, it is sexual abuse and causes damage. As an adult woman you know how icky it feels when a man 'cops a feel.' Can you imagine what it would feel like for a nine-year-old, who has no information to comprehend and emotionally resolve what she experienced? Overt sexual abuse is openly sexual and apparent. Although there may be an attempt to deny that it is abusive, there is no attempt to hide the fact that it is sexual in nature. Covert sexual abuse is more insidious. Thus, identifying it is harder, because the sexual nature of the action is disguised. The perpetrator acts as if she or he is doing something non-sexual, when in fact he or she is being sexual. The betrayal then becomes two-fold. The child is not only abused, but also tricked or deceived about the act. In this dishonesty, the child is unable to identify or clarify his or her perception of the experience. The unreal or surreal sense that accompanies any sexual abuse is intensified when the child is tricked into disbelief. Thus, the child doubts his or her perceptions and feelings and believes that there is something wrong with himself or herself because he or she feels terrible. To make matters worse, everyone around her or him acts as if nothing is wrong. Thus, she or he feels crazy, as if she or he is the one with the problem. A classic example of overt sexual abuse while people are present is exemplified by the incident a client, who is a sexual abuse survivor, reported about seeing her father (her perpetrator) kiss her one-year-old niece on the pubic area after her niece had taken a bath. Her sister, the child's mother, the child's grandmother, (wife of the perpetrator) were present. "My sister and mother (the child's grandmother) laughed and I got sick to the stomach. Am I over reacting," she asked. Obviously, her sister and mother are unaware of the definition of sexual abuse. Except for the fact this woman was in recovery and could clarify the experience she would not have considered it sexual abuse either. The frightening truth about sexual abuse and incest perpetrators is that within their mindset, they do not hold beliefs reflecting society's moral and ethical values. Because of a child's innocence and trust of the abuser, usually pressure or violence is not required. Thus, the sexual abuse or incest perpetrator can unequivocally state, "Never ever. I could never harm a child or anyone. It's not in my heart. It's not who I am." Michael Jackson, 1993. Sexual abuse and incest perpetrators frequently pass lie detector tests. They feel no inner conflict with what they have done. Their moral and ethical values do not reflect the standards on which the test is based. If you have the slightest cause for concern, trust your intuition and seek professional intervention. Trusting and acting on our intuition or sixth sense is paramount to protecting children from perpetrators, no matter whether they are family members, family friends, doctors, dentists, teachers, etc. When intuitiveness or a sixth sense has been activated in detecting danger, it can be identified by a change in one's physiology. First: Accept the fact that sexual abuse perpetrators may seem very average and ordinary to the world. In spite of all the reports of sexual abuse by pillars of the community-teachers, clergy, coaches, we still want to cling to the belief that a sexual abuse perpetrator is the disheveled man with a scraggly beard, wearing a dirty trench coat. It is difficult to believe the people we like, admire, trust and love would do such a heinous thing. Second: Accept the definition of sexual abuse. (See definition above) Third: Know the signs your child is being targeted: Self-protection offers a direct and effective method for children to protect themselves. Who, other than the child, is in a better position to protect him/herself? Perpetrators say they can sense a child to victimize. They can tell by the child's demeanor, body language, and facial expression. They sense the fear, the helplessness, the passivity. They chose a child who is easily intimidated or controlled so hopefully the child won't tell. Secrecy is paramount for the perpetrator. Whenever a person is traumatized, he or she resorts to familiar behavior; for girls this behavior is usually passivity, while boys usually 'tough it out'-thinking if they are strong and unemotional, no harm can occur. Sexual crimes against children can only be committed if the perpetrator finds someone who will hopefully keep the secret. No child needs to fall prey to these cunning predators. There are seven child tested, parent approved sexual child abuse prevention techniques, which will protect your child from the most cunning predators. If you heed and investigate these warning signals you can prevent continued abuse. Warning signals include: • * an aversion to a person, place or event. • * outbursts of anger and there is no apparent reason known for such anger. • * any unusual or unexplained behavior change. Ceasing an activity that was once done without hesitation. • * not wanting to be around a particular person. • * family member/friend seems to foster a relationship with your child more for him/herself than for your child. • * secretiveness between the child and adult Fourth: What to do: • * Teach Good/Appropriate Touch with regard to anyone. • * Teach Appropriate Body Boundaries with regard to anyone. • * Foster Self-Esteem and Good Body Image • * Teach the "Tell Mommy and Daddy Everything-No Secrets rule. • * Allow your child to command respect regarding dislikes and touch with family members, friends or authority figures. • * Talk with and listen to your child until you are satisfied the aversion is unrelated to improper behavior by anyone. • * Check on your child occasionally whenever they are with another adult or other times to become 'known' as an attentive parent. • * Trust and honor your child's intuitive reactions. If your child feels uncomfortable with someone, respect their intuitive sense—honor their intuitive sense. • * Appropriate Suspicion—trusting and acting on your intuition or sixth sense is paramount. If you have confusion regarding a person's actions, nagging/persistent thoughts or feelings, hesitation, general suspicion, apprehension, fear, doubt, a hunch, curiosity regarding a person's actions or statements, or questions regarding a person's proclamation that is not substantiated by their actions—trust your intuition or sixth sense. • * If you err in evaluating the situation, make the error on the side of caution. The important factor is not that you have avoided offending someone, but that you have protected your child's interest. • * Remember it only takes a second to sexually abuse anyone—child or adult bottle vimax pills penis enlargement information penis enhancement pills review pnis enlargement pills product vimax herbal penis enlargement pills top penile enlargment pills manual penis enlargment truth about penile enlargement herbal penis elargement

Breast implants are medical devices that typically consist of a silicone elastomer shell filled with saline or silicone gel. The first silicone breast implants are developed by two plastic surgeons from Texas: Frank Gerow and Thomas Cronin. The implants are textured silicone bags and can be filled with saline, which is salt water, or silicone gel and they are smooth or textured silicone bags that can be round (dome shaped) or breast shaped (anatomic). Shaped breast implants are designed to reflect the slope of the breast. The breast implants are usually quite successful at making the breasts larger and fuller. And just about 80% of breast implants are for cosmetic reasons. If your doctor tells you that breast implants are proven safe, ask for a copy of any report that studied women with implants for at least 10 years. There is strong evidence that both saline and silicone breast implants can cause local complications including swelling and gel leakage. One study says silicone breast implants do not cause systemic illness. Like silicone breast implants, saline implants consist of a rubber like silicone shell. It should also be said that studies have shown that most women who get breast implants are happy with the results. Breast implants are considered by the FDA as medical devices and if the FDA approves silicone breast implants, many young women will get them. While this is not a final approval, it does mean that the FDA may soon allow silicone gel breast implants to return to the US. Silicone breast implants were removed from the market in 1992, and recently reintroduced. Health Canada has lifted restrictions on silicone breast implants, giving two manufacturers permission to market their products in Canada. The background is that silicone breast implants have been linked to a variety of illnesses, the most controversial of which are connective-tissue diseases and symptoms. One should also notice that there has been a great deal of controversy regarding the safety of silicone breast implants but they have been marketed in the United States since 1963. The Canadian government has now reversed a partial ban placed more than 14 years ago over health concerns linked to silicone breast implants. New research suggests that silicone breast implants could be replaced by tissue grown from a person´s own stem cells within a decade. What are the risks with these implants? Well, some studies indicate that women with cosmetic breast implants have a significantly increased risk of suicide. A long-term study suggests that cosmetic breast implants do not increase the overall risk of getting cancer. Although breast enlargement is a simpler form of surgery than other cosmetic breast procedures and complications can occur. The risk is about 1% but if it occurs the implants will have to be removed. There is a very slight risk that breast implants may rupture during a mammogram and the longer you have an implant, the greater the risk it will leak or rupture. As it now is the most commonly performed cosmetic operation not performed under local anaesthesia the results are very good. As with any surgery you should have a comprehensive, informative and understandable consultation with the doctor performing the surgery. That is crucial. vimax penis enlargement testimonials penis elargement doctor easy enlargement free pennis surgery way pennis enlargement photo penis enhancement device natural pennis enlargement and lengthening natural penis enlagement pills truth about penile enlargment herbal penis elargement

PART I A BEGINNERS Introduction & Pointers to the T-Tape Restoration Method - For Men Curious About NON-Surgical Foreskin Restoration INTRODUCTION Foreskin restoration can be achieved by most any circumcised man. The ability to go through a full, successful foreskin restoration, has very minor bearing on how you were circumcised (i.e. how tightly, unevenly, minor problems resulting from the circumcision, etc.) With that being said, there are some medical issues that may preclude you from being successful with restoring – or even preclude you from restoring altogether. Unfortunately many neo-natal circumcisions (the most common time to circumcise in the US, Australia, Canada, among few others) are “sloppy”, done “lazily”, by inexperienced young doctors, or are simply “botched”. Men who suffered improper and poorly done circumcisions may experience some difficulty restoring, and should therefore consult a doctor whom they trust prior to beginning a restoration regimen. Non-Surgical Foreskin Restoration – which is the only method of restoration ForeskinRestorationChat (FRC) chooses to deals with (due to often radically poor surgical results – and usually creating a completely un-natural foreskin), will require a tremendous emotional commitment on your part. If you are married or partnered, it requires a commitment of support for you from them as well. So, after you have decided you want to restore, it is critical to speak with your significant other. At FRC, we rarely hear of partners and wives who do not support their partner’s decision and process of restoration. Expect hesitation from your partner, initially anyway. This is the point that you must explain that the decision to restore is not about them, it’s about you and how you feel about yourself either (or both) physically/sexually, and emotionally. It is not recommended to show a partner newly introduced to Foreskin Restoration photos of restoration devices, photos of restored penises, or any photos relating to restoring for that matter. The goal here is to educate and appeal to your partner’s intellect so that they can become more comfortable with this intensely intimate process. Some thoughts you may bring up to tell your partner: - If you were circumcised as a baby, perhaps you feel that a choice about your sexualidentity was taken from you. You had no say, and want to heal negative feelings by restoring your foreskin. - Many men who restore report that they are doing so as a result of progressively reduced penile sensitivity and sexual pleasure –particularly as a man gets older. You can explain to you partner that most restored men report between a 2 and 3-fold increase in sexual sensitivity and pleasure (some report even much more heightened increases). As your partner begins noticing differences and more skin on your penis, I would then recommend bringing them to some websites to give them the low-down on the whole process and community that has developed among circumcised men who are restored or restoring. SPECIAL NOTE ABOUT SHOWING RESTORATION WEBSITES TO YOUR PARTNER! Be very careful about the sites that you visit with your partner. Why? Many sites out there on the internet market themselves as “foreskin restoration sites” when in fact they deal primarily with circumcision (normally these types of sites are run by radically and politically motivated anti-circumcision groups). Solution? Visit sites you decide that provide neutral information. The goal here is to restore your foreskin, not to educate and scare yourself and your partner with anti/pro-circumcision rhetoric. Many sites provide you with MINIMAL foreskin restoration information, in an attempt to inundate you with MUCH MORE of their political agendas. Use your judgement here. FRC has two or three excellent articles on the site, one “Why would a circumcised man want to restore their foreskin?” and “What is Foreskin Restoration” (the latter can be found at Ezinearticles.com as well as on the main page of FRC). These articles are good shorts to print off and show your partner, as they deal with reasons circumcised men often choose to restore their foreskin. Incidentally, it is expected that more than 100,000 men are restoring now, or have finished restoring. NORM (National Organization of Restoring Men – a non-profit organization) hit 50,000+ members several years ago. So your partner should be made aware that you are certainly not the only man on the planet who wants to do this. Showing your partner photos of restored foreskins/penises, should be broached delicately. Until your partner starts noticing changes in your penis during sex, or even just visually, it might be too much of a shock to show them galleries of restorers’ photos. Particularly if your partner has never experienced or seen an uncircumcised penis. Let them slowly get used to your slowly skin-covering penis first. NOTES ON USING THE HIGHLY POPULAR “T-TAPE AND TENSION METHOD” TO RESTORE 1) Many men take weeks to adjust to the sensations and discomfort from the surgical grade medical tape and tension on their penis used to stimulate the growth of new skin cells. 2) T-Taping takes a moderate amount of practice to get right. You will invariably cause minor sores on the shaft of your penis as you learn thru trial and error how the tape is most comfortably applied to your penile skin. With a little practice, you’ll begin being able to make and apply your t-tapes in under 2-minutes. In “PART II” of this series of articles on Foreskin Restoration, you will learn the DOs and DON’Ts of applying your T-Tapes to your penis to minimize any chance of causing irritation or sore spots on the skin. You will also learn how to make T-Tapes in less than 30-seconds. 3) T-Taping is widely held to be the fastest and most widely used method of restoring your foreskin. If applied properly, as you will learn in the second part of this article, T-Taping is also one of the few methods that can guarantee you get perfectly even tension on both your outer (shaft) skin, and inner (pink, mucosal skin – usually located above a circumcised man’s circumcision scar). This is an optimal state of tension to achieve. Many men using the T-Taping method report between 1.5” – 2.5” of new skin growth in 12-months. This type of speedy skin growth requires emotional fortitude, wearing your t-tape and tension strap as often as you can, at least 6 days a week. Your mileage in growth will of course vary. You may develop 0.5” of skin per year, or even 3” per year. It's important not to place too unrealistic of a goal on your monthly (or annual) progress. Skin can, does, and will grow. Again - consistency in applying tension is key. NOTE: The most current information indicates that cyclical tension on the penile skin (say 12hrs a day, followed by an 8hr or so 'rest' period to allow skin cell growth.) is best for faster growth progress as opposed to those who say near 24/7 tension is best. Skin cells will only grow when they have a chance to perform 'mitosis' which can only happen when tension is *removed* from the skin so it is at rest. Now that you have a basic understanding of what the T-Taping Method is, some basic skin cell growth theory, and you’d like to go ahead and start restoring using the T-Tape method, gather up the following materials so you’re ready to start when Part II of this article is released. MATERIALS: - A roll of 3M MicroPore Paper Surgical Tape (2” – 3” wide tape) - Scissors - Good quality wax paper (Avery Label backings are great as well) - Ruler (preferably the soft paper ones, or sewing kit measuring tapes) - Clean, flat, dry, disinfected surface (counter-top, kitchen table, etc.) - Pair of suspenders for pants (cut one suspender off, leaving only ONE strap remaining) - Mini sewing kit (a simple $2 kit will be much more than adequate) - Extra, Extra soft, non-bleached, ultra-absorbent tissue paper When you acquire all the above materials, you’ll be all ready to get started! If you simply can’t wait for the second Part of this article, you may visit FRC and from the main page click on the “T-Tape Picture Book”. FRC: http://foreskinrestorationchat.info penis enlagement before and after picture best enlarement exercise penis natural penis enlagement technique vimax do penis enlargement pills really work penis enhancement testimonials penis enargement patch natural penis elargement exercise do penile enlargment pills really work herbal penis elargement

The holidays are touted to be the time of year to be joyful and most of all have fun and spend time with family and/or friends. For some, however, the holidays when families and/or friends gather to celebrate and share the joy of the season are not joyful. Because family matters are conducted behind closed doors this 'unhappy event' goes unnoticed and the victim of this cruel experience takes its toll. I speak of the unspeakable—sexual child abuse. Countless children are abused at family gatherings. While everyone is talking, laughing and having a good time, beloved Uncle Lewey, Grandpa or family friend, walks out of the living room (ostensibly to go to the bathroom) but instead goes into his niece's/granddaughter's or family friend’s room, where she is 'hanging out.' He nonchalantly chats with her and before she realizes what he is about to do, he has planted a kiss on her lips and forced his tongue into her mouth and/or fondles her breast. He then tells her she is so sexy he couldn’t stop himself, she is very special and it is their secret or he threatens her that if she tells he will say she is a 'liar' or worse yet, she 'came onto' him. Thus, she is forced into silence and shame. While I realize this scenario is difficult to fathom, it is all too real and all too frequent. However, this scenario doesn't need to end tragically, something can be done to prevent or mitigate it. No one is born a molester, yet all too often victims become perpetrators. Sexual child abuse has become a family tradition-Uncle Lewey was abused by his father, mother, uncle, cousin or aunt and now he has abused his niece. Or grandpa was abused by someone and he now has abused his granddaughter. How, you may ask, can this be possible when so many people are around-no one would risk being seen sexually abusing a child? Unfortunately, this rationalization merely avoids accepting the truth about sexual abuse perpetrators. It only takes a second to abuse a child. Furthermore, few people recognize what constitutes sexual child abuse. Sexual touch—a sensuous or ‘wet’ kiss on the lips, touching or fondling erogenous areas cause as much trauma as genital contact. All sexual abuse and/or sexual touch is damaging because it is first and foremost a betrayal of trust. PREVENTION is possible. However, for a child to be able to prevent this experience, she or he needs to have knowledge of and permission to exercise self-protection. Without knowledge of and permission to exercise self-protection, the only defense a child has against any kind of abuse is to accept the blame. A child cannot conceive the idea, "My father, uncle, mother, grandpa, grandma, aunt, brother, sister, cousin, friend, teacher, or baby-sitter is sick and is harming me." Therefore, the only way to survive sexual abuse or incest is to assume that it is his or her fault. A child has unquestioning trust for everyone in the family or persons of acquaintance or authority. Parents generally teach girls to be passive, compliant, non-assertive, co-operative and reward them for doing so. Girls are raised to be 'quiet, sweet and pretty' they are never to make a 'scene.' It is not surprising then, that girls are (according to statistics) twice as likely to be sexually abused. Perpetrators know who and how to target their victims. Boys are taught, expected and praised to be tough and self-assured, even at times when something troubles them. Whenever a person is traumatized, he or she resorts to familiar behavior; for girls this behavior usually means passivity while boys usually 'tough it out'-thinking if they are strong and unemotional, no harm can occur. Self-protection offers a direct and effective way to empower children to help themselves. Since perpetrators cunningly and with forethought sets the stage to perpetrate this crime in secrecy, who is better able than the child to protect him or herself? Perpetrators say they can sense a child to victimize; they sense this by the child's demeanor, body language and facial expressions. They sense the fear, the helplessness, their compliant attitude and their passivity. Perpetrators choose victims who they assume will keep their secret. No child needs to fall prey to these cunning predators. The first response the majority of people form when hearing of sexual abuse or incest is denial. 'I do not have to be concerned about that in my community. This would never happen in my family.' The unbelievable reality is that a person who sexually abuses children may seem very average and ordinary to the world. He or she may be a leader in the church, in the community or in business. He or she does not fit a classic stereotype and is not necessarily uneducated, unemployed, impoverished or an alcoholic. Furthermore, we find sexual abuse and incest even more difficult to believe or accept when the person we like, admire, love, and/or marry is the perpetrator of the abuse. Tragically, the unwillingness to accept the facts concerning sexual abuse perpetrators leaves children vulnerable to becoming victims and increases the likelihood that they will be abused. 'Traditionally, incest was defined as: sexual intercourse between two persons too closely related to marry legally--sex between siblings, first cousins, the seduction by fathers of their daughters. This dysfunctional blood relationship, however, does not completely describe what children are experiencing. To fully understand all sexual abuse, we need to look beyond the blood bond and include the emotional bond between the victim and his or her perpetrator. Thus, a new definition has emerged. The new definition now relies less on the blood bond between the victim and the perpetrator and more on the experience of the child. Incest is both sexual abuse and an abuse of power. It is violence that does not require force. Another is using the victim, treating them in a way that they do not want or in a way that is not appropriate by a person with whom a different relationship is required. It is abuse because it does not take into consideration the needs or wishes of the child; rather, it meets the needs of the other person at the child's expense. If the experience has sexual meaning for another person, in lieu of a nurturing purpose for the benefit of the child, it is abuse. If it is unwanted or inappropriate for her age or the relationship, it is abuse. Incest [sexual abuse] can occur through words, sounds, or even exposure of the child to sights or acts that are sexual but do not involve her. If she is forced to see what she does not want to see, for instance, by an exhibitionist, it is abuse. If a child is forced into an experience that is sexual in content or overtone that is abuse. As long as the child is induced into sexual activity with someone who is in a position of greater power, whether that power is derived through the perpetrator's age, size, status, or relationship, the act is abusive. A child who cannot refuse, or who believes she or he cannot refuse, is a child who has been violated. (E. Sue Blume, Secret Survivors)." Sexual abuse can be as subtle (covert) as any person showing pornographic pictures or movies to a child. It is any man hugging a child while pressing his hard penis against her. It is anyone consistently invading a child's privacy, such as entering the bathroom or bedroom without knocking, catching her unaware and indisposed. It is playfully pulling her swimsuit bottom down in the pool or pulling her panties down without her permission. Sexual abuse is anyone bathing the child when the child is old enough to bathe herself. It is any person who touches or caresses the child in ways she does not like or in ways that are sexual. It is any man holding a child on his lap when he has an erection. It is any trusted adult who stares at or makes comments about the child's body. It is anyone kissing the child in a way that is sexual for the giver. It is seemingly innocuous touching, wrestling, tickling, or playing which has sexual overtones or meaning for the other person. Sexual abuse is as blatant (overt) as instructing or asking the child to lie in bed in an intimate position, fondling, digital, penis or object penetration of the rectum or vagina, or instructing a child to perform oral sex or performing oral sex on the child. It is forcing the child to touch others or be touched by others, including other children. A classic example of covert sexual abuse while people are present is exemplified by a 39 year-old woman who came to me after having a severe panic attack. During our investigation as to what was the root cause of the panic attack she revealed she had been sexually abused when she was nine by a 'nice man,' who was a family friend. "He helped me on with my coat while attending a family gathering. As he adjusted my coat onto my shoulder, he fondled my breast." This type fondling is often times referred to as 'coping a feel.' No matter the label, it is sexual abuse and causes damage. As an adult woman you know how icky it feels when a man 'cops a feel.' Can you imagine what it would feel like for a nine-year-old, who has no information to comprehend and emotionally resolve what she experienced? Overt sexual abuse is openly sexual and apparent. Although there may be an attempt to deny that it is abusive, there is no attempt to hide the fact that it is sexual in nature. Covert sexual abuse is more insidious. Thus, identifying it is harder, because the sexual nature of the action is disguised. The perpetrator acts as if she or he is doing something non-sexual, when in fact he or she is being sexual. The betrayal then becomes two-fold. The child is not only abused, but also tricked or deceived about the act. In this dishonesty, the child is unable to identify or clarify his or her perception of the experience. The unreal or surreal sense that accompanies any sexual abuse is intensified when the child is tricked into disbelief. Thus, the child doubts his or her perceptions and feelings and believes that there is something wrong with himself or herself because he or she feels terrible. To make matters worse, everyone around her or him acts as if nothing is wrong. Thus, she or he feels crazy, as if she or he is the one with the problem. A classic example of overt sexual abuse while people are present is exemplified by the incident a client, who is a sexual abuse survivor, reported about seeing her father (her perpetrator) kiss her one-year-old niece on the pubic area after her niece had taken a bath. Her sister, the child's mother, the child's grandmother, (wife of the perpetrator) were present. "My sister and mother (the child's grandmother) laughed and I got sick to the stomach. Am I over reacting," she asked. Obviously, her sister and mother are unaware of the definition of sexual abuse. Except for the fact this woman was in recovery and could clarify the experience she would not have considered it sexual abuse either. The frightening truth about sexual abuse and incest perpetrators is that within their mindset, they do not hold beliefs reflecting society's moral and ethical values. Because of a child's innocence and trust of the abuser, usually pressure or violence is not required. Thus, the sexual abuse or incest perpetrator can unequivocally state, "Never ever. I could never harm a child or anyone. It's not in my heart. It's not who I am." Michael Jackson, 1993. Sexual abuse and incest perpetrators frequently pass lie detector tests. They feel no inner conflict with what they have done. Their moral and ethical values do not reflect the standards on which the test is based. If you have the slightest cause for concern, trust your intuition and seek professional intervention. Trusting and acting on our intuition or sixth sense is paramount to protecting children from perpetrators, no matter whether they are family members, family friends, doctors, dentists, teachers, etc. When intuitiveness or a sixth sense has been activated in detecting danger, it can be identified by a change in one's physiology. First: Accept the fact that sexual abuse perpetrators may seem very average and ordinary to the world. In spite of all the reports of sexual abuse by pillars of the community-teachers, clergy, coaches, we still want to cling to the belief that a sexual abuse perpetrator is the disheveled man with a scraggly beard, wearing a dirty trench coat. It is difficult to believe the people we like, admire, trust and love would do such a heinous thing. Second: Accept the definition of sexual abuse. (See definition above) Third: Know the signs your child is being targeted: Self-protection offers a direct and effective method for children to protect themselves. Who, other than the child, is in a better position to protect him/herself? Perpetrators say they can sense a child to victimize. They can tell by the child's demeanor, body language, and facial expression. They sense the fear, the helplessness, the passivity. They chose a child who is easily intimidated or controlled so hopefully the child won't tell. Secrecy is paramount for the perpetrator. Whenever a person is traumatized, he or she resorts to familiar behavior; for girls this behavior is usually passivity, while boys usually 'tough it out'-thinking if they are strong and unemotional, no harm can occur. Sexual crimes against children can only be committed if the perpetrator finds someone who will hopefully keep the secret. No child needs to fall prey to these cunning predators. There are seven child tested, parent approved sexual child abuse prevention techniques, which will protect your child from the most cunning predators. If you heed and investigate these warning signals you can prevent continued abuse. Warning signals include: • * an aversion to a person, place or event. • * outbursts of anger and there is no apparent reason known for such anger. • * any unusual or unexplained behavior change. Ceasing an activity that was once done without hesitation. • * not wanting to be around a particular person. • * family member/friend seems to foster a relationship with your child more for him/herself than for your child. • * secretiveness between the child and adult Fourth: What to do: • * Teach Good/Appropriate Touch with regard to anyone. • * Teach Appropriate Body Boundaries with regard to anyone. • * Foster Self-Esteem and Good Body Image • * Teach the "Tell Mommy and Daddy Everything-No Secrets rule. • * Allow your child to command respect regarding dislikes and touch with family members, friends or authority figures. • * Talk with and listen to your child until you are satisfied the aversion is unrelated to improper behavior by anyone. • * Check on your child occasionally whenever they are with another adult or other times to become 'known' as an attentive parent. • * Trust and honor your child's intuitive reactions. If your child feels uncomfortable with someone, respect their intuitive sense—honor their intuitive sense. • * Appropriate Suspicion—trusting and acting on your intuition or sixth sense is paramount. If you have confusion regarding a person's actions, nagging/persistent thoughts or feelings, hesitation, general suspicion, apprehension, fear, doubt, a hunch, curiosity regarding a person's actions or statements, or questions regarding a person's proclamation that is not substantiated by their actions—trust your intuition or sixth sense. • * If you err in evaluating the situation, make the error on the side of caution. The important factor is not that you have avoided offending someone, but that you have protected your child's interest. • * Remember it only takes a second to sexually abuse anyone—child or adult